Is It Possible to Enjoy Your Wedding Day with OCD?
Getting married is arguably one of the most important decisions of your life. The emphasis on this commitment can make the process of getting married, from saying (or in my case, squealing) "yes!" to saying "I do," incredibly anxiety-provoking.
As an anxiety and OCD specialist, as well as someone who suffers from OCD, I was acutely aware that there was no way for me to go through this season of my life without experiencing anxiety. Instead of allowing that to scare or discourage me, it fueled me.
On the day I got engaged, I made a commitment to my partner, but also to myself. I was not going to allow anxiety to sterilize or rob me of the full experience of my engagement and wedding day.
So, I got to work. I went to therapy. I worked on observing my thoughts and feelings, rather than judging them. I engaged in self-compassion and self-care regularly. I spent intentional time with my partner, and aimed to focus on the quality of our marriage, rather than solely our wedding.
When it came to the big day, I allowed myself to feel, think, and experience everything. I would say upon reflection, it may have been the most present I have ever been. Does this mean I didn't experience any intrusive thoughts or unpleasant emotions? Absolutely not. I just noticed them, allowed them to exist, and focused on what I was doing behaviorally at the time (making my own bouquet, cheers-ing my dearest friends, putting on my earrings, etc.).
By allowing it all to exist, I accomplished my goal of experiencing it in it's entirety (notice my goal was not "have a perfect day with zero anxiety!"). I did not let the presence of anxiety or an unwanted thought prevent me from living, loving, and enjoying.
I was also very intentional in practicing gratitude as well as grounding. I regularly did "sensory check-in's," noticing what I could see, smell, touch, hear, and taste in that moment. I expressed gratitude for moments while I was experiencing them. I laughed, I cried, and I relished each experience.
Like on all wedding days, not everything went according to plan. By accepting that would be the case beforehand, I did not feel caught off guard when it inevitably occurred.
When I reflect on my wedding day, I remember the size of my new husband's smile, the grip of my uncle's arm as he walked me down the aisle, the smell of my peonies as I hugged my mom, the sound of my dress swooshing while I danced, and the gratitude for the many, many hands that were ready and willing to support us emotionally and physically.
But more than anything, I feel pride. Our wedding day, and our marriage, is one of my greatest accomplishments. In the early days of navigating my OCD diagnoses, I never would have dreamt that I was capable of experiencing this type of love, or this big of a day, with OCD.
It was the single greatest day of my life thus far, and that didn't happen on accident.